Something Like a Lighthouse.

There are several things in life that I find myself called to do. In the Summer of 2017, there was a clear, distinct calling. I needed to go to a lighthouse. Trust me, I was just as confused as you are. I have lived in North Carolina my entire life. I know that we have multiple lighthouses in our state. I know that at least one was the hiding place for a pirate. I also know that, despite the number of times I have been to the beach in my home state, I have never felt the slightest urge or interest in lighthouses.

But, in 2017, I did not question anything. I just started googling. I was trying to understand why all of a sudden I felt compelled to go to a lighthouse. I researched each of the different lighthouses in my state to see if I could figure out what this "calling" was about. And then I found it. Or, rather, I found why.

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She's Still Somebody's Hero.

Recently I began reading My Mother was a Freedom Fighter by Aja Monet. This book sat on my desk for at least a month. I struggled to open it, to face the ways in which I felt that Aja Monet was about to show me myself. She had a strange way of doing that. Though she does not know me and has never met me, Aja somehow spoke to so much of what I needed to hear and offered me a unique perspective on how I looked at the women in my family, particularly my own mother. I still remember the moment, two or so years ago, when I first watched "What I've Learned" on YouTube. I was enamored by every word. The poem, the lessons, the delivery of it all. It was (and still is) amazing.

Now mind you, I was a Nikki Giovanni girl. I had probably memorized Ego Tripping in college. But, “What I’ve Learned” spoke to a different space, to a place that I was discovering or possibly had forgotten. It quickly became one of my favorite poems, possibly my favorite poem. It took the place of the poems I learned during my adolescence, the poems that covered me by their words. "What I've Learned" felt like exposure, but in the best possible way. Like fresh air hitting a wound that has already started to heal and no longer stings.

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Just A Masterpiece Trying to Master Peace.

One person that I enjoy receiving guidance from is Twitter's @HeyMissNona. I had an intuitive reading/consultation with Nona in July 2017, which gathered me on levels that I was ill prepared for. What makes Nona's work with her clients so impactful is that she demonstrates compassion and authenticity with those she provides consult for. She also continues to be present to offer guidance (and sternness) where necessary for those who are in this trying phase of "doing the work" to heal themselves and those that they encounter. 

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The Boldest of Purples: Becoming Great Art

"Great art is not a matter of presenting one side or another, but presenting a picture so full of the contradictions, tragedies, [and] insights of the period that the impact is at once disturbing and satisfying." -Pauli Murray

After reading that quote, I felt that it was my calling - dare I say, my responsibility - to become great art. In order to do so, I think that I must share what I am learning, when I have failed, and how I have succeeded. That calling is part of what inspired the change in my online accounts a few years ago. As I was approaching 30, I felt that I had reached a point where I had to admit that, without a shadow of a doubt, I was lost. And I was mad at just how lost I was. I had gotten lost in who I wanted to be or, rather, who I wanted other people to think that I was. The innocent, nice, and hopeful girl that I had always been had been replaced by a rude, abrasive, and skeptical woman. I had let my past mistakes and failures define me in a way that I had failed to realize for over a decade. And I was tired.

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